ShuYan

2011-11-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

I saw brainless people.

2011-08-09T19:26:00.001+08:00

ARGGG! He tell me don't talk to him.

Sua.

I will not talk to him anymore in future. Even if we saw each other in school, I will just treat him as a stranger. Stranger = no talk.

Great. That is YOUR decision.

Fuck

2011-08-03T19:37:00.001+08:00

I hate myself for allowing physical contact with you when you felt that we ain't close at all.

So are you trying to take advantage of me?

If so, I would rather not see you again anymore.

2011-07-06T20:03:00.003+08:00

The incident on Monday night is so unforgettable and memorable. At that point of time I really hope that I can stay even longer with you.

Ever since I started going back to school, ever since I start to meet you in school, ever since you taught me FSP, I would cry almost every day especially after we had meet ups in school. It's not that I never try to treat you as a friend, but whenever you were nice to me, I don't know why I suddenly change my attitude towards you. I seem to forget that we were only friends.

Whenever we had meetups, I will have lots of bruises on my legs and I will definitely cry for days. I really don't understand why I am always the one that prone to hurt by you. And I really don't understand why I can't get over you. You hurt me too many times, even more than when we were together back then. I cried even more compared to the past, even more than we had broke up initially. My heart aches a lot whenever I think of you and I really want to cut myself to ease some of the pain and make me distracted.

I felt happy for the first time on Monday, though I can't believed what we did tt night. I kept thinking abt it on bus, I even tell Larissa what happened and she was really glad for me. Even though I know the fact that we cannot be together again, but I felt really glad and blessed, I felt as if I was in love again.

I told myself that it was my illusive, it was just a dream.

Your message came, you said you don't mean anything, at first, I felt nothing, as time passes, I felt like I'm a toy and I see your true colours.

What happens if you had one night stand, and I said what if, your answer will still be the same isn't it? - "I don't mean anything so I hope you won't anyhow think"

That was what I felt after that, I told larissa, she said the same thing as well.

My senior said, there are guys out there who find people since they have no one to play with at that point of time.

In less than 2 weeks time, do you still remember the date and what exactly happened?

My tutor said I should start to work hard for all my subjects even though I was in the top list for Business Statistic. So what I was in the top list for B.S, I wasn't happy at all. My mind was full of you. Do me a favor, please ignore me and treat me like a stranger, do not entertain my sms or fb messages, I will be grateful to you 10 years down the road.

I learned my lesson, I had seen your true colors. You are a Casanova that enjoys toying with people's feeling. You like to manipulate me and see how I got tortured by you.

No doubt the number of times you sent me home had surpassed the number you sent me home when we were still an item, but that doesn't mean it gives you the right to hurt me, made me cry like some mad woman.

2011-07-02T11:48:00.003+08:00

Just a quick one.

Accounting - A

Business Stats - A+

Fundamentals of programming - C

Digital Devices & Network Technology - C

Fundamentals of IT Professionals - A

Results cui or not?

YES, CUI MAX!

2011-06-30T23:03:00.003+08:00

I cried even more now as compared to the past.

Like seriously, I cried whenever I felt insecure last time. But now, I cry everyday like dunnoe how many times.

I asked myself, is it a right move to develop a relationship with u in the first place? It's like, I'm still suffering now.

2011-06-21T22:33:00.002+08:00

I actually have this feeling that, our feelings for each other will still fade no matter how often we meet each other.

So..

I don't know what to do.

2011-06-13T01:37:00.001+08:00

I don't know why I choose you.

I merely followed my heart.

No regrets.

2011-06-09T17:40:00.002+08:00

Time past like running water.

Tmr is the last day of my ct. HOW GREAT!

And I am experiencing post exam holiday mood now.

AND I HAVEN'T TOUCH ANY CHAPTERS ON TMR TEST YET.

2011-06-06T17:39:00.002+08:00

One papers down, three more to go.

Accounting paper is quite tough. Even though I'm able to balance the 2 questions, but my answers were different from my classmates one. So...just hope that it won't deduct too much of my marks ba! :(

Tmr no paper, can like sleep long hours le...This afternoon, I only copied chapter 1A for DDNT. Never knew that DDNT can be even boring than FSP. No wonder my classmates call DDNT as GGNT.

5.40pm, it's ruien's time! :D I mean..on channel 8..haha...studying DDNT in living room. :)

2011-06-05T20:56:00.003+08:00

We are just friends

I do not know whether my words on fb had hurt or have not hurt you, but one thing I'm sure is that trusting you is equivalent to hurting myself indirectly.

I recalled you saying that I had ruffled up your feelings. If that's the case, why did you sent that message to me on Friday afternoon? Once again, your words had deeply hurt me.

I just want our status remains quo, I wasn't expecting anything from you, as long as we can still meet and don't feel awkward and have fun hanging out. But you are the one that want our relationship to be purely friends, just like the ones that you met and say hi and walk away. Even you did not mention it, but it is obvious that that you meant it this way.

I trusted you, thinking that you will not repeat what you did the previous time, as you said that you'are sure that the others will definitely treat me better than you.

I thought you would never hurt me again, as a friend.

I admit I'm naive.

I can't bring myself to hate you, neither do I want to force myself not to trust you anymore. So I shall constantly remind myself, you are just a friend of mine. I shall take your words lightly as time passes. What I am doing now, is to protect myself being hurt again, by the same old you. I am reluctant to do so, but, this is what you want, we are just friends.

I am a sensitive creature.

2011-06-05T13:23:00.001+08:00

I haven recover from coughing and I am eating 肉粽. :(

<3 SNSD

2011-06-04T14:51:00.002+08:00

Take a break from FSP.

writing a program is rather FUN! :D

Serious, I meant it.

Especially you see the word "operation complete" at the bottom, it gives me a sense of satisfactory. Oh...btw, did I mention that I can write a program? I can write program! :DD

I read one example and then typed it out without reference. As time goes, I only read the question and I start doing it. Even though there are one or two errors, but I managed to correct the errors without referencing.

I felt a bit no confident while I reach chapter 4 on the if and if-else statement. But I still managed to write the program out. I felt so proud of myself. LOL. I really feel like a child that just gotten a balloon from a stranger.

Time check 2.59pm.

Damn it. I forgot to eat medicine in the morning. :( SHIT.

2011-06-03T17:45:00.002+08:00

你总是伤害我，但我从来都不生气，不是因为我没有脾气，是因为我爱你。

2011-06-03T17:24:00.002+08:00

Mixed feelings. FUCK

I am so glad that you treated me as friend.

But

After I see it in class, I can hardly smile.

Today is veronika's birthday. We had a celebration for her. Everyone threw cake at each other. But I wasn't joining in the fun. I sat at one corner.

I do not know why I am crying now. We had broke up for months, and this wasn't the first time that he said these words to hurt me. Why am I crying?

2011-06-03T13:36:00.003+08:00

We have been seeing each other like almost every week. Most of the time, you sent me home. The number of times you send me home this year, had surpass the number of times you sent me home when we were together last year.

Should we see each other less often and start to treat each other as friends?

My classmates really thought that you were my bf, but the fact was, you were ONCE my bf.

2011-05-29T17:39:00.003+08:00

Seems like u had really found the right person.

You posted good night to her almost every night.

Your status is always abt her nowadays.

But did you ever tag me on your wall?

Months ago you said you wanted me to be more concern about you in future.

But did you even care about me?

I was sick for days, bloody hell did you even care about me?
Do you even know?

I reread the messages you send on 28th may 1.14am.

This shall be the evidence that you did not care about me.

You said you cared about me. So did you?

I've asked myself a very good question.

I'm a fool and YOU SUCK TTM.

I HATE YOU

FML, for being a love fool, for clinging on to this Casanova.

2011-05-27T11:26:00.000+08:00

我爱你爱到很累，很累

2011-05-26T23:00:00.003+08:00

I am a fool and I do not want to see you.

I hope that you can be TOTALLY out of my mind.

2011-05-26T22:58:00.000+08:00

Antisocial

2011-05-25T13:42:00.001+08:00

Love is in the air...but not me

2011-05-25T13:16:00.002+08:00

It was a mistake to be in this sch, in this course.

We shall stop talking to each other for the time being.

2011-05-24T21:38:00.002+08:00

It's too late to realize that we've not done many many things yet. Let's just carry on with our life with a smile, because we can no longer go back to the past.

2011-05-20T22:07:00.004+08:00

Friends should behave like a friend.

My classmates keep asking me, is my senior my bf?

I kept quiet.

I should stay a distance with him from now onwards.

2011-05-07T16:04:00.003+08:00

It wasn't a pleasant thing to meet him in school alone.

It reminds me of the past. We talked on train, we had so much fun on train. I tickled you, I complained to you, I guailan you....

You were like one of the typical stranger who sat beside me looking out of the window that day.

In the past, you will request me to message you if I have reach home every time we meet up. But not now anymore.

I felt so down, we can never be the same as before.

I should have lied to you that I am meeting my friend in school and asked you to leave instead, without me.

I will be contented if you and I can be as close as before.........

You were my history, my past. How can I simply forget you when I love you more than I love my first love?

2011-05-03T21:05:00.001+08:00

He got a gf.

I am in no position to comment anything.

I need to stone for some time.

2011-05-03T18:37:00.002+08:00

You changed your dp. You have never changed your dp to the one that we took together. You said you dislike taking photos. And yet you took many photos and changed your dp to u and a pretty girl.

I felt so cheated!

But I'm not going to care anymore. You have your own life. I have mine as well.

I not sure if it was right for me to accept the gifts from him. I felt scared when I read the card he gave to me after working hours. I am glad that Evelyn and Leslin was with me after work on Sunday night.

I am running away from reality. But so what? As long as I'm happy, who cares?

2011-04-28T20:22:00.003+08:00

Last year, you were the first to wish me happy birthday.
This year, you didn't even wish me at all.

Luke said this to me, a guy will definately buy present for the person he like. I wasn't thinking about this particular guy who came to NP ytd just to pass me the present but you. Even until the minute hand strived 12, you didnt even send me a single message.

How I wish ALL the messages that my first ex sent to me ytd were from you.

2011-04-23T22:02:00.003+08:00

It's a pity that Evergreen chinese dancers couldn't manage to cling Gold award for the 3rd time.

Silver, Bronze, Gold, Gold, Silver. Ok, two years later get gold back!

Congrats to Evergreen Chinese orchestra for getting GOLD WITH HONOURS for the SECOND time.

FYI, Chinese Dance got 2 GOLD because I participated BOTH! HAHAHAHA. I'm so BHB.

2011-04-23T20:07:00.003+08:00

Thank you you guys for the card and the present!

Spent 4 days in school from 9am till very very late! And I am not going to join Chinese Orchestra for many many many reason. Not to mention, dance. AND I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR ANY SPORT CCA! :( I only joined event base cca. :(

Orientation for the first two days. All the games involved scissors paper stone. SO STUPID. And I keep complaining, with Wei Siang. He was my classmate + orientation mate! :D We complained together and, he was VERY caring.

There were 21 ppl in class, and I know like 7 ppl already. There were a total of 3 dropouts including me! Yea, one of them is from MY SCHOOL. And no one in my class outcast me. I'm so FORTUNATE! :D

On Thurs, we were scheduled to have industry visit. We went to Iexperience, somewhere near the citylink. My mentor disturbed me by asking to entertain the class when I requested NOT to follow them back to school. I bet he won't let me off until I entertained them. And that day was Paige's last day! Me and Peini went to Hanis and booked 16 seats with our bags at 7.05pm. The staffs there were very UNPLEASANT to us at first when they saw us moving the tables. We were being chased before 9pm! :(

Fri, meet up with Lynn Clement Huiying Chuan huat. Sean totally forgot abt it. We went to Thai express. AND I WILL NEVER ORDER THEIR TOM YAM SEAFOOD FRIED RICE. Because it was TOO SPICY for me. AND MY FRIENDS GAVE ME A PRESENT AND A CARD. I've read the card and unwrap the present. :D I love the presents! Oh! Before I forgot, ACH suan me by saying I talked a lot and I got distinction for chinese oral. BUT HE WAS THE ONE THAT TALKED TOOOO MUCH! And I told everyone to treat him like TRANSPARENT. :D We pang seh him and went to Clementi mall to have yogurt and played arcade games. :)

TODAY. Went to SCAPE with Ronnie, Rennie and Jeanette for Cold storage kids run volunteer briefing. SO BORING. NEARLY FALL ASLEEP.

Tmr, I'm working. There is only 4 ppl including me at level 2. Me and tris work till 7pm. Ok, all the best to the remaining 2.

I'm going to act blur.

2011-04-18T20:32:00.003+08:00

First day of sch...wasn't as bad as I thought for me. My orientation group mates, most of them were anti social like me. When it was about noon, we went to toilet and there is one girl trying to make me high. She wanted me to be as high as her and stuffs. And I really entertain her once in a blue moon, by kicking my leg backwards and sidewards to her friend who keeps bully her and make her feel that I'm really social-able just like her! And his friend, who is also in my group, thinks that I'm fierce. The games were seriously DAMN LAME.

I really don't feel like further explaining since I know that I will be wasting my breathe and you won't even care at all. It's not that I don't want to explain, but the outcome will definitely be the same if I bother to explain or not.

2011-04-17T11:14:00.003+08:00

Holidays were finally over from me. How sad!

Dropped out of Pioneer last year third week of Nov. I can rmb clearly because I really dislike going for the GP intensive lessons after PW and I skipped 2. Have been fooling and wasting my life at home ever since before I went back to the adult society.

Stock take has just over. So busy and tiring and fun! Really dislike initially because I had less than 5 hours of sleep for like 3 days! But it was rather fun to have a scanner doing the same thing as you - countdown the number of shelves left!

I went to watch movie with senior! RIO!!!! I last watch movie was last year Dec with Lynn and huiying, I lead a sad life right? :( Anw, last afternoon was my very first time sitting on couple seat at cinema! So elated! But I felt awful when the next seat was taken by my senior's friend. My senior and his friend was shock to see each other. To make it worst, this person claims that he had seen me before. Yup, another PJC senior of mine whom I've NEVER seen before. :(

I celebrated YY's birthday under her block last night. Only a few of us went. :( But the cake was nice! :D

Today last day of slacking for me! :( Ewwww....

I need 48 hours a day!

2011-04-10T13:36:00.001+08:00

If the people around me knows what I'm actually thinking, why do I need to keep a blog?

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2011-04-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

................................................................................

I'm so excited about the result release for project work this coming fri and at the same time, I felt so reluctant to go! :(

Strangers. Yes, strangers.

2011-04-05T22:09:00.001+08:00

爱让我们变成陌生人.

Worth it?

2011-04-02T21:28:00.001+08:00

If you truly love someone, will you hurt he/she?

I'm being fooled by you.

2011-03-31T22:17:00.002+08:00

I saw this post in facebook posted by my 12 years friend.

She said : " Though I fail in my studies, it doesn't mean that i gonna fail my life too. "

I agree with what she says.

2011-03-31T21:58:00.004+08:00

School is starting soon, less than one month. I'm currently having mixed feelings about all the things that is happening around me.

Alevel Project work result is releasing soon. I'm afraid I will get A or B and hopes to get just a C. But at the same, I hope I can get A. I'm afraid people will ask whether if I have regretted making that decisions. I know I have to face it. But I choosed to escape.
My chinese result for Alevel is A with a distinction in oral. Compared to O level chinese result which I sat two times a year, I scored both B3 for both written paper. My mum even asked me to retake chinese o level because it reflects badly.
There are students in poly dislike students who were once a JC student. What will I do if my class have such people?
My relationship with my ex is getting from bad to worst. I seriously do not know how to communicate with him. Whenever I talk to him, I felt that I haven't let go of the past and kept thinking about it. To make the matter worst, he is my senior in poly, as in same course and in the same school. And now, i'm seriously fed up with him.
I realized that when I need help in future in studies, I can only turn to my course mates who were in my class for help. It will make it even difficult or worst for me if they outcast me because I went to JC last year.
My workplace sux too. Two main reasons. one is about my colleague. Another is the issue on talking after working hours. Seriously, I don't understand why can't I talk to other guys after working hours? I mean, you all did the same thing as well. But why must your think that me and who who who very close and stuffs. Please give me and whoever the guy is some privacy. Thanks. I'm just merely talking to one of my OPPOSITE GENDER FRIEND.

End of complaining.

Anw, I changed a new phone. Credits goes to Lynn foong and Larissa. Because Lynn helped me to decide the model that I want and Larissa was the one that told me that tis phone have instock in Singtel! :D

I'm satisfied with my Samsung Galaxy Ace. :)

Can't you see I'm trying to put on a strong front and a fake smile to continue with my fucked up life?

2011-03-31T17:01:00.000+08:00

哪里跌倒，哪里爬起来
我要勇敢地走下去

2011-03-31T15:53:00.002+08:00

Got new phone, laptop, some clothes.
I spend a lot this month. Think it hit 2k! :(

2011-03-28T22:13:00.001+08:00

Rainbow after rain.

I want to see mine soon!

2011-03-27T20:30:00.002+08:00

Life is like sitting on a roller coaster.

Now everyone knows that I'm actually a fragile person which makes me feel so embarrassed. I seriously can't control my emotions and I break down yesterday morning during the department morning briefing when the department manager asked everyone about our thoughts towards one of the staff there. I felt very low and depressed as I recalled what happened for the past 2 months. But I'm fortunate to have good colleagues yesterday. Although it seemed to be a bad start yesterday, but I do enjoyed working after lunch hour!

I'm very emotional. I can cry and smile on the same day, like as if nothing had happened some time ago.

2011-03-23T22:47:00.003+08:00

Just a quick one though I'm tired.

My schedule for this week, there is only one word I can think of - sux! Reason being I've to work 4 days and rest 1 day and then work 2 or 3 days. Can't rmb. i don't have fantastic memory and I'm simply too lazy to take a look at my schedule. It sux a lot and I really have no mood to attend work. Yes, this was one of the reason I requested to switch department although it is almost impossible.

Surprisingly, I volunteered my service to helped out at children department when E (incharge of children) is in need of manpower today. Working with her sure is fun. But without her, meaning stand alone in that department is like living in hell. Sometimes I wish E can forever station at level 2 instead of J, so that I wouldn't though of changing department or even quitting.

Just one month ago, Eni left the workplace affecting everyone's behavior towards working. Many thought of quitting and just recently, P found a job somewhere near her house. I felt glad for her as she can finally leave the place where J is around. Seriously, I'm not picking on her but she was the one that keeps picking on others. I felt relieve when I heard from LA that something cropped up yesterday and I wasn't in. Because me and Le were the ones that always got picked by her whenever K wasn't around. It makes me wonder, why is J behaving in such way when she wasn't like this to La months ago.

Life in that kind of place really sux. E told me to bear with it today. Fine, I shall bear with it till stock take is over and I'll pack my bag and go.

2011-03-22T10:02:00.001+08:00

I bet you won't notice it until someone tells you.

2011-03-22T09:46:00.002+08:00

22日3月早上雨
现在的天气就像我现在的心情。

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2011-03-14T22:10:00.002+08:00

After watching the news for 10 mins regarding Japan, the first thing that came to my mind is that treasure what I have now while I can. If not, it will be too late to regret.

2011-03-03T21:22:00.003+08:00

Back then, I had loads of troubles and kept everything to myself. Somehow, I know I need to trash it out to feel comfortable. However, I feel that I would be troubling these people and will be wasting their own precious time. Whenever I talked to someone, I would be tormented by guilt.

I once thought that blogging could help me to release all my emotions and I won't be troubling anyone.

Initially, it did helps me but after some time,

I still prefer to keep things all to myself. Yes, no one will know what exactly I'm thinking.

Many things happened recently and I should really let go of some things to prevent any future embarrassment or awkward.

2011-02-24T23:24:00.001+08:00

I regretted. But so what? I've acheived my aims. You took it back and you get over it. That's what I initially wanted.

2011-02-22T16:32:00.001+08:00

I want to study! SERIOUS!!! I'm getting bored of working for one month and slacking for don't know how many months. I felt so desperate. Can I start lessons now? :(

2011-02-15T22:50:00.001+08:00

Get a new penknife or dig out the old one?

2011-02-14T16:28:00.001+08:00

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2011-02-09T22:46:00.002+08:00

Life suck, but no matter what, we still have to carry on with it.

I've got nothing to post. Other than posting I missed everyone a lot a lot! Basically many things and oh ya, I really dislike working on weekends when I can't meet up with my secondary or JC classmates.

One thing I regreted to do was to message this "friend" of mine which I resulted in......I really regreted and I'm still deciding whether I should continue to continue to stay as status quo or forget completely. My heart kinds of hurt whenever I think of it.

But I've to move on. So, I shall choose the latter. It's hard to imagine that we'll be able to sit and have lunch and chat happily just like before.

2011-02-03T17:23:00.002+08:00

Happy lunar new year. 祝大家身体健康，心想事成，事事顺利。

How did I spent my first day of chinese new year? I slept at 2.30am, woke up for VEGETARIAN breakfast at 10.30am, changed and went to 3rd aunt's house somewhere in or near Jurong east. It's call pandan garden anyway. Very wierd name, that's why I can still remember it.

Surprisingly, I can still understand cantonese after not hearing it for like one year. After 2 hours or so, we left the place. My brothers and I were super excited because we got nothing to do other than listenning to the conversation between our parents, 3rd aunt and her god mother.

My dad bought us to "check out" the environment of NP. He told me to take out a pen and a paper to write the bus available. So stupid! I entertained him by taking one of the bus stop picture. He kept driving round and round which make my younger brother break the ice. I think he is just trying to finish up the fuel in his car on the first day of chinese new year.

Here am I sitting in frong of the computer, back home after resting for two hours waiting for steamboat with family. I feel rather weird sitting together with my family member for lunch and dinner on new year's eve. It's been years since we sit together on the dinning table and finish out meals. And today, we are going to have steamboat, which means, I have to sit with them again. Oh ya, we had shark fins soup for both lunch and dinner yesterday. My younger brother had a total of FIVE servings! My parents forced me to have three servings. I felt extremely guilty for these sharks! :( Oh well...I only have it during special ocasions, please forgive us sharks! :) 　

2011-02-01T14:48:00.003+08:00

Many people told me that there is still chance between me and him since we'll meet in campus and all sort of reasons. But my sixth sense tells me that we will never meet and even if we meet, we will pretend to be strangers.

Thanks for rubbing salt on to my wound.

2011-01-29T23:37:00.002+08:00

23 mins later, 29 Jan will be over. I will try my best to forget what happened last year.

There were so many injuries found on my hand and legs. I must be sleeping with my eyes open! :(

Thanks Clement, Lynn and Chuan Huat for visiting me at my workplace. GOT A DAMN BUG SHOCK today and yesterday. Thank you guys! :D

2011-01-27T16:54:00.004+08:00

I've finish watching autumn's concerto finally since last year. I know I slow larh. I forgot to watch ma! When I have the time, I shall continue to watch gloomy salad days episode 3!

I am addicted to Merci chocolates! I kept eating it even though I feel like vomiting.

Gotta prepare to go out for staff dinner. Going to attend a farewell dinner for Yanti tonight at some place near city hall I suppose. So tired. I felt disappointed that today is the only day to rest at home in this week. My new friend laughed at me for working 6 days in this week! Oh well, I make her jealous by telling her I'm off for 5 consecutive days! Fam and her commented that I look a cartoon rabbit. The ones that were damn cute that one in TV. No choice, I have to admit that I'm simply adorable!

I felt guilty that I can't attend the chinese new year gathering with guailans. I'm off from Monday to Friday. If possible, I would like to invite them to my house either on Monday or Tuesday. Because all of them had never stepped to my house before, perhaps one or two. So guilty! :S P.s Wed to Fri not convinent at all!

Oh ya, perhaps, I should also invite Gavin or Hsien hean and peien to my house as well! Gavin and Hsien hean send me home before.

OMG! I realised that my brother and my friends have never been to my house before! :X GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY

Oh well, staying at home still have to do household chores.

2011-01-25T07:50:00.002+08:00

I'm enjoying the pain I'm suffering now. I've good friends around me last year, they do not wish to see me remind of any unpleasant stuffs and therefore did not mention anything infront of me. And because of that, I've not been facing it and the root of the problem remains. All I've to do is to face it. I know I'll be facing more pain from yesterday onwards, but I'll remind myself that he is definately not worth it.

I'll not cry when I get home before I sleep. I know, it'll end real soon. I've much more better choices.

2011-01-23T19:50:00.001+08:00

Found this on twitter.

Based on a psychological study, a crush only lasts for a maximum of 4 months. If it exceeds, you are already in love.

2011-01-23T18:17:00.002+08:00

Men find it hard to understand woman, while women find it hard to please man.

Men were unexpressive and that is why chocolates and flowers were introduced to them.
Women have a fragile heart and needs a guy's shoulder to lie on.

Not everyone is perfect. Do you understand?

I just can't understand, why were there so many people post their stories about their relationship　on stomp. Can't some of them realise this simple facts? 　

2011-01-23T14:00:00.004+08:00

Yawn...What a good start today! I woke up at 6.30am, because I felt my right arm is totally numb. I remember my right hand was place onto my pillow and I woke up exactly the same position. I went back to sleep, exactly one hour later, I was woke up by my alarm. But I don’t recall setting alarm at 7.30am!

8am, my daughter message me scolding me!

8.30am my phone alarm ring again. Don’t understand why I set so many alarms, anyway, I was already sitting in front of the computer! 8.34am Lynn’s message came and said she is unwell.

8.51am, Chuan Huat’s first message of the day! 10am, Huiying’s first message. At the end, everything was cancel! Yeah! There goes my beauty sleep.

Woke up early is to help mummy clear all the books, newspapers and magazine. Guai right? :D I found my secondary one literature book and 词语手册 for higher mother tongue. I didn’t realise I have 2 books on animal farm. Felt super guilty for that. I remember I don’t pay attention in class when Mr Leong talks about every detail in animal farm. If I’m not wrong, I stare at all my teachers thinking about something else in class everyday. Don’t understand why I can still promote and get into the second top class in secondary two. It would be a miracle if I’m able to stay in the top class. Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to squeeze my ass in. Perhaps, I'm 读书的料！:X

Oh yes! My mum told me to finish the bird nest (new moon brand) as soon as possible! Because she just brought another box. Are you guys jealous?

My brother is addicted with counter strike. I saw him playing the zombie one and I find it irony. Human killing human before the zombie appears, then the human starts to kill zombie. And even if the human cannot be found by the zombies, the zombies will then kill zombie if they saw one another. This is atrocious! While my brother was playing, I saw this stupid character’s name. It is W*****92. I really hope I can dispel the thought of him.

Oh well…lame people plays lame game. Childish people play childish game.

2011-01-23T09:00:00.002+08:00

Ever since Chinese Orchestra was introduced to my life, I've been performing for all Chinese new year concert. It just feels weird that this year I'm not performing.

2011-01-22T12:51:00.002+08:00

"Gee gee gee gee baby baby baby. " Oh no! I think I'm addicted to KPOP!

It's damn cool! Serious!!!

YEAP! Meeting ACH, Lynn, Zhu ying tmr! :D:D:D Hopefully I got the time to meet Yongsen. See his botak head!!! XD

2011-01-21T19:28:00.004+08:00

My handphone's front camera sux ttm! But it's ok, my contract ending in two months time! I-phone or other brand phone? As long as camera is good, I'm fine with it! :X

WARNING! Below images may leads to discomfort. View at your own risk!

Original (first) and 2 edited version. But I prefer the one in middle!

Next one to edit (below). I look super ahlian! :(

Ok, enough of it.

2011-01-21T18:37:00.001+08:00

29 Jan is coming soon. I'll not go out, not to mention taking MRT on this day!

200th posts?

2011-01-20T11:47:00.002+08:00

Got a big shock this morning - it's a damn wierd dream! I set my alarm at 9am and yet I woke up before 8am! :( I'm such a poor thing right? I slept at 1am last night! And I really don't expect to dream of this person. He wore the exactly same design shirt that I bought for him but the colour of the shirt he was wearing is black. Wait a minute, I bought a blue or a black one for him? Oh well oh well...it's over and it's pointless to talk about it now.

I just realised that for the past two months, I've been skipping breakfast everyday! Hopefully I would be able to lose some weight!

Guess what? Today is Jan 20th!

2011-01-19T11:41:00.003+08:00

I seriously got nothing better to do.

I went to Lynn's blog. And I can't believe what she texted me over the past two days were truths! School reopens for the repeated Jc1 students 2 days ago and she almost lated for the past two days. In order not to be late, you've to complete the 100m dash run within 1 minute, nope, is within 20sec if you were stuck at the traffic light. I think I only had this 100m dash for like 5 times last year? Oh well, who ask the school is located at some ulu place with railway track at the back of the school?

Source : Singapore Land Authority,http://www.pioneerjc.moe.edu.sg/cos/o.x?c=/wbn/pagetree&func=view&rid=1080715

Can you locate PJC? Can you find the "teck whye walk" and "block 5" ? There is a traffic light infront of block 5 and if you going to be late and stuck at the traffic light, all the best to you then! See the railway track behind the school? I've been there for couple of times with my seniors. I still remember walking there with Yong Sen and Soon Seng. After we cross the railway (heading towards the bus stop), the train passed us! There are still train services going on and you can hear the train horn's sound at 12 noon everyday. So nostalgic!

Shall go back to the railway track and take pictures when I take my Alevel results!

2011-01-17T19:38:00.002+08:00

My current mood, it's worst than failing O level subject. I'm just kidding...I never failed any of my O level subjects before, how would I possibly know how it feels?

Can someone please provide me a listening ear? I lost mine....recently. Yong Sen went for NS. I only get to message him at night, before 11pm. :( The president of night cat society got to wake up by 7am the next day. Poor thing. As a result, I can't flood his inbox every hour, every day. But every night, every day for less than 1 hour! :(

I really really want......forget it. :( I rather stick to flood Yong sen's inbox. I simply love to disturb him a lot! XD

P.S I can't flood my daughter's inbox. Taking A this year! :S

2011-01-16T17:47:00.000+08:00

I think this picture looks better than the previous one.

2011-01-16T16:32:00.004+08:00

Konnichiwa!
I spent 3 hours clearing the books from my cupboard. So proud of myself! Because I hardly touch it and it's in a mess. :(

Tada~This picture (on the left) was taken on the last day of 2010 in Cindy's house! The picture on the right was taken when I was 3 years old not in Singapore nor Malaysia! :X Totally different right? And I asked myself, is that really me? I found the photo on the right with a frame in the cupboard. :X This shows how messy the cupboard is!

I found this book in the cupboard! Workshop on Tony Buzen mind mapping when I was in secondary 3 with the classmates! I bet everyone have thrown it away.

You would never expect to find this in my cupboard. This is actually a time table of my chinese dance practice in year 2007! If I remembered correctly, I lost this time table the last time. Ok, see, I'm so untidy when I was in secondary school! But, did you notice the paper was actually in good condition? :X

My stamp album!!! AHHHH!!!! One of my hobbies was collecting stamps when I was in primary school. And this album was my first AND last album in my life. Yup, it was in a mess. So sorry album. I swear I won't touch you again. In case.....:X

My very very first birthday done by Guailans! Received when I was in Secondary 3. :D

Apparently, I received this when I was 16, secondary 4 and again, Guailans did this card for me.

This card was again, done by Guailans and I received this when I was 17, in JC1. I swear I hate this card a lot! Why? Some of them wrote their words in the black spaces and I really have a hard time reading it! :( I guess this card was done by Ronnie.

This picture shows 3 dancing fans! The pink fan was used for practicing SYF09 moves in Dec 2008 while the 2 other fans (silver or transparent) was used for SYF in 2009. The fans I used for SYF in 2009 were cool right? :D It's a pity that I can't bring the chair that we used for SYF in 2007, if not I would have post it here!

2011-01-15T14:23:00.002+08:00

I did this last night! I found these quotes meaningful. I am going to frame it and look at it everyday! Just kidding, I wouldn't want to look at it every single day.

Today I signed up myself as a group coordinator for one of the marathons this year. I was afraid that they would asign me to another group, just like wen rong beign assigned to another group last year in one of the marathon. Damn sad! :( But, it's still worth trying isn't it?

I saw this at the web:

"Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another." -- Erma Bombeck --

Don't you all agree with me that this is indeed meaningful? :D AND YES! No doubt, my classmates and I were unselfish, caring, have patience, love everyone! :D

2011-01-14T17:50:00.002+08:00

So did I get the job?

Someone called to my house ( I hate people who called to my house looking for me, don't you have my handphone number?). I was asked to attend the training next monday at Northpoint for 6 hours. Oh no! NORTH POINT. EWWWWW.......I hope I won't see that person there. I'm just afraid to see that person.

But I've done nothing wrong! Why should I be the one that afraid to see him? I'm dan wierd.

I remembered correctly I would be stationed at HDB hub if it's successful. So, did I get the job?

But honest speaking, I'm freaking lazy to step out of my house. I would rather wake up early and do all the housework before 12 noon. I've been doing housework at home for weeks! I know ANG CHUAN HUAT will laugh if he sees this. In fact, everyone who comes here and read this will laugh. The one who recently laughed at me after knowing I've to wake up early the next day to do housework is GAVIN YONG! I regretted opening my computer after 12am to give some comments on his courses. :( It doesn't pay good to be nice. :(

I'm sooooo excited about the outcomes of my JAE result! I don't know why. Just a feeling. I yearn to study. I just realised that I've NEVER sit down and study for hours outside school timing. And, I felt pretty guilty of that!

2011-01-14T11:32:00.000+08:00

米修米修：（

2011-01-13T17:17:00.003+08:00

I just realised that Jeremy enlist on the same day as Yong Sen. The jeremy....I refer to the one that play Zhong ruan! Not the 4H2 one!!! :X LOL

Yong Sen will be switch back to mainland. So where is he now? Sea? Air? Aiya...I don't care. I am not going to NS anyway. XP XP

2011-01-12T19:04:00.004+08:00

Chinese new year is coming. Anyone wants to go shopping with me? But I doubt I will have the chance to wear even if I buy. Just like last year, I wore my dress reserve for CNY last year to my cousin wedding last year. :X No choice, never wear that dress before.

No angpow last year, this year and next year! :( In fact, from sec one till now. Grandfather passed away, grandmother passed away, another grandfather passed away. Who's left? Oh well...soon...soon~~ :( She is close to 90 now. :(

And soon will be my turn next.

ANYWAY, I REALLY WANT TO SHOP SHOP SHOP! :(

And, I helped a woman in her sixties today. :D So meaningful. She wanted to get me some cookie, but I rejected her offer. :) I feel proud of myself. Lol

2011-01-12T19:00:00.000+08:00

不能握的手从此匿名的朋友
其实我的执着依然执着
却决心和你不再联络
不能握的手却比爱人更长久
当所有如果都没有如果
只有失去的拥有最永久

2011-01-11T18:08:00.002+08:00

What's done cannot be undone. The hurt has brought me down and I can no longer bring myself up.

I know I shouldn't blog about this.

My mother's friend's daughter, if I'm not wrong, I've blogged about her, scored a F9 for English. She scored all subjects B3 except for one, B4. You probably won't be able to guess what my mum said to me. She said I failed English. WOW! AWESOME MOTHER. If I failed English last year, I won't be getting into JC, which is your choice! She is comparing me with her again, with a normal academic student. Seriously, I am not looking down on them, I've lots of friends in normal academic and normal tech stream. But I really hate the way she compare me with others, even compare me with EM1 students back then in primary school, just because we took the same 5 subjects, (english, chinese,math,science, higher mt). I am so sick of all her comparing. So I shouted back, if I failed my English, I would be retaking english last year and won't get into JC!

It doesn't stop here. The next line that came out of her mouth was actually "she scored all B3 except one, B4." I shouted back AGAIN. I was pissed. " I got all A2 and B3. You want to see my result slip? It's on the table. " And she kept quiet.

What a good mother I had. Apparently she doesn't care much about me. Oh well, if it was my father, I bet he would react the same way. No, wrong. He only know I passed English. As long as I passed English, he don't care much.

Some shit happened today. I really feel like I'm a living puppet.

Oh my goodness, are you wondering why am I not behave like some ah lians, out there smoking or drinking in the alley every night or probably hanging out at pubs? Sorry to disappoint you, I dislike tobacco smell and I hate my alcoholic father.

What a nice family I have. My home is just a place for me to eat, sleep, surf net. Karina, make sure you get good results and squeeze your ass into local university and secure a good job and find a rented flat and get out of this place.

Your sincerely.

2011-01-11T17:46:00.003+08:00

Sad case.

Meet Lynn at Jurong East MRT station this morning. Her friend, Linus, was late! We went to MOE building to wait for him. He late for 62mins! :X While waiting at MOE building, Lynn shared with me about the trip to Gen ting some weeks back. She bullied her friend's friend together with her friends. Tsh! (As usual)

For my case, it had settled. But for his case. All the best. That's all I can say. The three of us went to have "breakfast" at thiong bahru plaza. On the way there, Lynn and I verbally abused him! :X No choice, stick too much with Lynn. Bad influence! But I like the way she is! :D And when they know that it was my first time there, guess what they said? They are going to bring me to the highest level and pangseh me. :( Evil friends! Oh well...it's their "pattern".

I left after having lunch with them. Poor Linus. I wonder, did Lynn drag him into toilet cubicles and make all the phone calls?

Msn chatted with Chuan Huat earlier. I said THIONG BAHRU. And he thought I was there when I msned him. He then told me that Lynn felt that she is pretty. OMG. This is totally the LYNN FOONG that I knew!

2011-01-11T00:40:00.004+08:00

Going down to MOE building tmr morning. Meeting Lynn and her friend!

I don't dare to submit my choices online. See my cop for poly. Why they no minus my cca grade for poly? Why they minus my cop for MI? :(

2011-01-10T23:42:00.002+08:00

I hate my fingers for tapping on my phone too fast. I guess I shouldn't another touch screen phone in future. In case I press the wrong contact again. :( Wanted to message Xin Hui, but it ended up this person. I felt...oh well..I am lazy to explain how I know so I shouldn't elaborate much on how I feel.

All I wanted to say was...you won't study with your siblings, you won't study with your friends, so there left with......oh well......it's over. Strange, why am I writing this?

I'm glad that I found one more reason. Hopefully, hopefully.......Never mind. I've deleted this person's contact. I'm like...making a fool out of myself whenever I sent to the wrong person. Anyway, I doubt we are friends now. Lalala~

Today is 10 Jan. Yong Sen will be enlist tomorrow! Ewwww....I can't spam his inbox everyday. :( All the best to him then! He is damn skinny. Hope I won't see him on news! TOUCH WOOD! :( I will miss him during his period of absence. :( Must miss me like how much you miss me when you're in Malaysia some weeks back!

I haven't submit my 12 choices! :(

2011-01-10T15:43:00.002+08:00

我的心终于平静下来。

I told my mum about it. Just told her. Her reaction was...nothing. Hope she won't stop me last minute. My first 6 choices are all business. HOPEFULLY I CAN GET IN. :(:(:( Please..... And the next 6 choices are science related.

I went to ecareers portal to check on the related occupation for phharmaceutical science. Only one option - Pharmacists. Sian! :(

2011-01-10T15:14:00.002+08:00

Time check. 3.15pm
Is this a joke?

But I really appreciate it. I am afraid I would regret.
I am going to take a bath, stone in my room and think all over again.

2011-01-10T13:28:00.000+08:00

我心中的恐惧，你知道吗？

2011-01-10T10:04:00.002+08:00

AWESOME, OH WOW! Today is 10 January 2011. I've been sick since 2nd January 2011. 8 days have passed and I'm still sick. It definately break my record of sick for 7 stright days!

Majority of my JC classmates were stuck in class, probably having chemistry lecture now. But I'm sure there is one pupil in the class couldn't pay attention at all. All the best chuan huat. Make sure you get an A for ur english o level. If not everyone will tease you and I believe the maid would hope that you will fail again so you will be transfer to MI.

Around 6 more hours to JAE exercise. I haven't break the news to my parents yet.

2011-01-09T16:52:00.005+08:00

Tomorrow is the day! I have not told them about my decisions and I do not know how to put it. I am afraid they will do the same thing to me last year, by forcing me to change all my desire courses to the courses and schools that they want. And right now, I feel like I am messing my own future.

I feel like giving up. I don't feel like submitting the 12 choices tomorrow at 3pm. They are bound to reject my decisions. I think, it's end of the world right now. No matter what I want to do, they will not support me, not to mention about care and concern. I would rather choose to end my life than to get into their so called good for my future courses when I have totally no interest in it.

Think about it, will I be happy in future? Not to mention, NOW.

I am really unhappy about it, I am feeling really very stress, I......I really need advices.

Thank you Jeanette, Cindy, Darryl and Ronnie for your advices. I really appreciate it a lot.

2011-01-08T20:16:00.000+08:00

我真的很害怕。　我不像历史重演。我更不想浪费时间，不愿再后悔。我更想快点找到一份很好的工作，存够钱搬出去住。

我很怕

2011-01-08T18:51:00.001+08:00

只有失去的拥有,
最永久

2011-01-08T18:34:00.001+08:00

匿名的朋友

2011-01-07T16:24:00.002+08:00

3 months 20 more days. Yong Sen cannot leave me alone! :(

2011-01-07T15:57:00.002+08:00

Ahoy!

Sick for the past 6 days. I thought I would have recover by now. But, I am down with FLU! TODAY! :( So I think I am not going to open houses.

Surf net at home, ecareers or various school websites, ended up at youtube watching SNSD's hoot! Hours later, I fond myself watching this:

I recorgnise the cellist and the guy. Serious! The guy is DARYL KEUK! Even though the video descrition have his name, but I provided his surname. I am also able to provide his full name! LOL. Ok, don't believe, stalk my facebook. I have met that cellist several times in BCCCO and in Republic poly CO. So how can I be wrong?

Oh well...I think the only person that believe I know them is Pei en. :( Actually, hsien hean can be my witness as well. But, I doubt he stalk my blog. :D

O level result release on the following monday, anyone worried about their results?

I look forward to my A level Chinese and Project Work result.

2011-01-05T01:26:00.001+08:00

Sweating + sneezing + breathing difficulties + sorethroat + cough = ?

And my mum told me to sweat more instead of drink water.

2011-01-05T00:54:00.002+08:00

I'm experiencing some breathing difficulties. I feel giddy when I stood for a few seconds. I feel like I am going to die soon. But this is only the beginning of the year. I don't wish to die. My life just started, just started to be interesting, I really want to carry on with my life.

2011-01-04T14:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes people have to know that it's irritating to send message almost every one or two hour asking whether I have finish my work or eaten my dinner yet. Who do you think you are? You are merely one of my primary school friend, full stop. You act as if you are my super duper best friend. I really dislike telling my stuffs to people who I am not close with. Do you have any rights to know what I am doing? Even my BFFs don't ask me these questions.

FYI, we have lost contacts ever since P6 graduation.

2011-01-03T19:59:00.002+08:00

I hope my family members will be there for me when shit happens. As in, they show care and concern for you instead of staying at home watching television, keep track of what my brothers were doing. I have never receive any attention from them at all!

I've enough.

2011-01-03T19:56:00.000+08:00

I hate sorethroat.
Sorethroat you sux.

2011-01-01T20:47:00.003+08:00

I have roughtly decided the courses I am interested in, around 11 choices but it is not comfirm yet. I have to wait for a particular person to tell me a particular course name. Once I have comfirm the name, I wouldn't want it to be in my 12 choices even though it is in my list now.

Ok, seriously, Human resource man. with psycho vs. Business & social entreprise. Which suits me more? The latter sounds with lesser politics right? But my parents will surely oppose ALL my top few decisions - business related.

Some choices my parents would definately please with. Pharmaceutical science and biotechnology from TP, medicinal science from NYP, chemical and biomole engineer from NP, and I'm sure I will be covering organic chem, which includes alkane, alkene, benzine ring, catalyst, conditions and reactions and many many more! Perhaps even the s p d f orbitals! :X Ok, I am fine with all these orbitals, what if it covers some shape drawing or identifying? Like tetrahedral shape, trigonal planar, lone pair bond pair, with what 109.5 degrees, electronegative, ~~SNSD 2NE1~~ SN1 or SN2 mechanism and what shit mirror. Have to make sure all the arrows were pointed correctly and clearly. Definations that weren't the same as the notes, WRONG! ARGGGGGG!!! Chemistry, I studied them last year and yet I failed. SCREW CHEMISTRY. I should have ignored chem and study Physic and Math. Ahlalalala...what's done cannot be undone. I can't possibly rewind the minute and hour hand to take back the time that I've lost right?

Shit, I am feeling stress up now! :(

Should I start thinking of what CCA I should join after deciding these? :X CCA is equally important as well. I have to stick to it for the rest of my three years. Performing arts or Sports?
I have never join a sport cca in any of the schools I've enter. Or should I just stick to performing arts? If performing arts, dance or cheena orchestra? If dance, what kind of dance? I want BOLLYWOOD!!!!!! If cheena orchestra, ruan or liuqin or new instruments?

I think I am asking for troubles by deciding CCA now. I have to make so much choices and I hate choices. My priority should be courses but not CCA!!!! I should think of what my top 2 choices - that's a must! PLAN FOR AN ALTERNATIVES!!!! I think I should do some thing like project work now. Something like...Preliminary ideas? Yes! It is what I need to do now!

I wonder Yong Sen have took the video of the fireworks at waterfront. If he managed to do it, I will..........But I think he won't be able to take it. :) I too understand him le! :D Want three hours of my time? Kiss goodbye to it! :D

2011-01-01T20:28:00.003+08:00

Today is the first day of 2011. First day of the year "big aunty" visited me. WOW! Sure huat right? ;D I spent my last day of 2010 with Guailans and the first day of 2011 with Guailans. :D

Happy new year. :)

2010-12-30T17:52:00.002+08:00

2010 is coming to an end. How are you going to celebrate it?

It seems like yesterday when all of us were sitting in front of the television waiting to count down for the new year, message everyone in your contact list wishing them happy new year and keep in contact. Time flies. Today is the second last day of the year and here I am thinking about what I've done over the past twelve months. So nostalgic!

I shall not share about what I've been thinking for the past...ten minutes or so.

Right now, I have no idea why I have the urge to blog, perhaps I am too excited about tomorrow! I will be going to Cindy's house to countdown with guailans! I haven't seen majority of them for more than one month ever since Marven's birthday! Not all attended the birthday celebration as well. And I seriously miss all of them a lot! But I have not prepare any thing for the gift exchange tomorrow! What shall I do?

I am so excited, so excited that I wish the moment I blink, it's 2011! HAHA...I am just...exaggerating. All beceuse I know 2011 will definately be 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 times better than 2010! I know I will meet very very nice people and I will be even happier than this year. I know, I know! I believe it , I can sense it! I know 2011 will be a brand new year, brand new beginning, new start for me!

I know Yong Sen will be there, only available at night, whenever I need a listener. He will be enlisted in NS in less than 2 weeks time. I can't talk to him until 2 or 3am anymore.

I wish I can keep in contact with my friends in JC, especially Hui Ying. She will be a loner without me and Lynn in class. I hope the other girls in class can make a little bit more effort to break the ice so that she will stay away from this bad guy in class! I don't mind her staying close with Chuan huat, Kai xiang, Clement or Ken, but I do mind that she is close with this evil guy. In fact, Lynn mind as well! We know how bad this guy is and we seriously doesn't wish to see you getting hurt. This guy back stabbed us, boot licked teacher, sabotaged me but unsuccessful, two faced guy by telling her tales. As a friend of hers, even though for less than one year, I sincerely hope that she can talk to the girls, sit with them during recess and in lectures or tutorials. I should have purposely snatched the seats away from her, shouldn't let her sit between me and Lynn! :(

I think I have blogged enough and it's coming to an end. Even though many things had happened in 2010, even though I don't wish to end it, but, it have come to an end and I have to accept it.I can't do anything to stop it from coming right? So.....Goodbye 2010!

天无不散之筵席。

2010-12-30T00:33:00.000+08:00

如果这一切都没有发生，那该多好？

2010-12-29T14:00:00.001+08:00

GEE GEE GEE GEE BABY BABY BABY!

2010-12-29T00:36:00.002+08:00

Even though I do not wish to end it, but I have to end it.
Even though I do not wish to let go, but I have to.
Even though I do not wish to forget, but I found no reason not to do so.

There is one thing I am certain, we were not suitable for each other.
We will never understand what the other party thinks.